Favorite Puns

Favorite Puns

These are some favorite puns that I created.

Getting the Light to Work
I walked into a room and saw several men on a ladder trying to get a bulb to light. They were turning it this way and that but the bulb stayed dark. “What are you folks doing,” I exclaimed. “That bulb is obviously burned out!” One of the men responded. “Yes, we know that. But we’ve heard that many hands make light work!”

The Versatile Bee
I went into the office this morning and was surprised to see a large bee on the desk. I was even more astonished to hear him speak. He looked me straight in the eyes and announced, “Don’t mess with me, sir. I’m not your ordinary bee. I’m a killer bee! Get that? K-I-L-L-E-R.” Then he stated with a mischievous grin, “Not only that, but I’m also a spelling bee!”

A Good Explanation
Fred had been arrested and was being questioned in the interrogation room. The detective was saying, “Fred, you were overheard admitting that you had stolen Bill’s hairpiece. How do you respond to that? “I can’t respond to that,” said Fred. “All I know is that I didn’t do it.” Then he brightened and exclaimed, “Oh, I know what happened. I was talking to my friend Helen and told her that I needed to get some money fast. I had bills to pay.”

Sleeping Dogs
I went to my friend’s home to visit and saw there were a couple of hounds sleeping near the fireplace. I remarked at how handsome they were. “Yes,” he responded. “They are good looking but they talk in their sleep and they tell the most outrageous lies.” I was amazed. “They talk? They lie?” I stammered. Just then one of them spoke and said, “I was with Columbus on the Santa Maria.” The other responded saying, “That’s nothing. I was with Eisenhower at West Point.” I said to my friend, “Those dogs are unbelievable. Do you do anything special when they tell such stories?” “No, he responded, my motto is to let sleeping dog lie!”

Getting the Parachute to Obey
I’m a sky diver. Like most sports people, I’m superstitious. For example, on the day of the jump, after I have packed my chute, I stick it with a pin just to show who’s boss. The last time I did this was this morning. I packed my parachute, stuck it with a pin, and made the parachute jump!

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Ten Good Reasons for Not Quitting Your Job

Ten Good Reasons for Not Retiring

I have listed ten good reasons for not quitting your job. I understand that continuing to work is not for everyone but if you like your job, if you’re getting paid well, and your health permits it, you should consider delaying your retirement. Or never retiring at all!

1. Working keeps a source of income coming in allowing you to pay your bills and maintain your life style indefinitely. Not a lot of people understand that retirement is expensive. When you give up your source of a reliable income, you may be giving up living where you want and in the style you want.

2. Working keeps your mind healthy. A mind is like a car. Keep it running hard all the time and it will last longer than a car that runs only occasionally.

3. Working keeps your body healthy. A body is like the same car in the above reason for never retiring.

4. When you work, you have an easier time with major financial endeavors like buying a house, a car, getting a loan, etc. The fact that you’ve got a steady job may make a big difference in whether the answer will be yes or no.

5. When you continue to work, the amount of your Social Security Payments will increase a little each year simply because you’re still paying into the Social Security System.

6. When you continue to work, you keep the sense that you are still a member of the contributors to the common good and not just a parasite doing nothing of value any more.

7. When you continue to work, you keep contact with your work family, the people you talk to, share experiences with, enjoy life with. When you leave work, you lose contact with these people almost instantly.

8. When you continue to work, you keep up with the technology or system changes of the work you have been doing for years. After a few years of retirement, you may be dismayed at how much you have lost of the knowledge that was once part of your life.

9. When you continue to work, you value time off much more than when every day is another holiday. There’s an excellent chance that even though you now have plenty of time do everything you’ve always wanted to do, you’ll do nothing.

10. When you continue to work, you’ll enjoy the extra prestige that you get when you state you still have a job despite the fact that you’re well past retirement age.

There are several conditional benefits of continuing to work. You gain seniority at work, for example which may mean extra privileges for you or extra money, your future pension, if there is one may grow in value, your health insurance, if offered by the company will continue to protect your health, etc.

If it’s right for you, consider continuing to work when retirement time arrives. There a ten good reasons for doing this as listed above. The first three are the most compelling reasons.

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To enlarge, click once with left button; to enlarge more, click again.

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Page from Beginner’s Guide Investing

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Counting Backwards in Steps of 6, 7, & 8

Everyone knows that it is not difficult to count forwards from 1 to any desired point. It is not difficult to do the same thing in steps of 2, 5, and 10. Counting forwards in steps other than these is more difficult but still relatively easy.

But what can we say about counting backwards? Some steps are easy but others; for example, 6, 7, or 8 are more difficult. If I were asked to do this, I might use a scheme that would make the chore easier. Let’s consider 7. If I subtract 7 from 10, the result will be 3. I can add 3 to a number, then subtract 10, I will find a number that is 7 less than that number. I’ve changed the problem to one that involves the simple operations of adding a number and subtracting 10. Let’s look at how this would work when counting downwards in steps of 7 from 100.

The first step would be computed from 100 + 3 -10. This would lead to 103 – 10 or 93.
The second step would be computed from 93 + 3 -10. This would lead to 96 – 10 or 86.
The third step would be computed from 86 + 3 -10. This would lead to 89 – 10 or 79.
The next steps would be as follows:

79 + 3 = 82 – 10 = 72
72 + 3 = 75 – 10 = 65
65 + 3 = 68 – 10 = 58
58 + 3 = 61 – 10 = 51
51 + 3 = 54 – 10 = 44
44 + 3 = 47 – 10 = 37
37 + 3 = 40 – 10 = 30
30 + 3 = 33 – 10 = 23
23 + 3 = 26 – 10 = 16
16 + 3 = 19 – 10 = 9
9 + 3 = 12 – 10 = 2

This final number can be checked for accuracy by doing the mathematical procedure called computing 100 modulo 7; that is dividing 100 by 7 and looking at only the remainder, which would be 2.  I can conclude that the series of number shown above are probably OK.

Let’s consider another example. Suppose we need to count from 100 downwards in steps of 6. We can compute the final number from computing 100 modulo 6. The remainder from dividing 100 by 6 is 4. The last number will be 4.

The number to add at each step is 10 – 6 or 4.

The numbers computed at all the required steps are these:

100 + 4 = 104 – 10 = 94
94 + 4 = 98 – 10 = 88
88 + 4 = 92 – 10 = 82
82 + 4 = 86 – 10 = 76
76 + 4 = 80 – 10 = 70
70 + 4 = 74 – 10 = 64
64 + 4 = 68 – 10 = 58
58 + 4 = 62 – 10 = 52
52 + 4 = 56 – 10 = 46
46 + 4 = 50 – 10 = 40
40 + 4 = 44 – 10 = 34
34 + 4 = 38 -10 = 28
28 + 4 = 32 – 10 = 22
22 + 4 = 26 – 10 = 16
16 + 4 = 20 – 10 = 10
10 + 4 = 14 = 10 = 4

A third example is where the step size is 8. The number to add at each step is 2. The final result number is to be 4. The results at the ends of all the steps are these:

100 + 2 = 102 – 10 = 92
92 + 2 = 94 – 10 = 84
84 + 2 = 86 – 10 = 76
76 + 2 = 78 – 10 = 68
68 + 2 = 70 – 10 = 60
60 + 2 = 62 – 10 = 52
52 + 2 = 54 – 10 = 44
44 + 2 = 46 – 10 = 36
36 + 2 = 38 – 10 = 28
28 + 2 = 30 – 10 = 20
20 + 2 = 22 – 10 = 12
12 + 2 = 14 – 10 = 4

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